toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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