this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
