Betty ford says i'm here all night
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
