In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
