I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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