hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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