My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
