First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
