i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
