Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
