So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize