I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
