I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
