with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
