I could make wine with my vomit
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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