It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
