I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize