I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
