Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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