I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
