What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
