i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
