I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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