i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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