Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
