UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
