we should wear snuggies to the strip club
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize