Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
