Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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