I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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