he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
