she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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