i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
