By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
