do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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