I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize