Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
