fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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