We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
