EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
