I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
