I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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