I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize