Your tits are I can't wait for
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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