Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize