I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You took a bar mat shot.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize