Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize