I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
