im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
