dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
