i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
