I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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