I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
