An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
