you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
