Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
