batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
