wanna go halves on a baby?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
