she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
