the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
