I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
