At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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