Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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