now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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