i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
