There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
