tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize