Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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