She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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