And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
