I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
